Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
