I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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