y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
even my farts smell like vagina
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I did not marry a roomba.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
