There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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