At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
