I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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