Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
