gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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