He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
