can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
