I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
