she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
