Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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