have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
