Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
