i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
