can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
