Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
