dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
