yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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