Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
