can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
