We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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