Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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