matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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