sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
