batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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