ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
