I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
