She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
