Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
