I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
