Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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