At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
