Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
