This is not my ceiling
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
