Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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