i just google imaged poop.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
