im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
