what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
