Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
