Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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