i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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