I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
