So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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