can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
