he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
