The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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