one two three fourrrrnication!
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
