Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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