Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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