Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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